What to say when your child hits
Your child has just hit you, a sibling, or a friend, and you need to respond calmly and firmly.
Try saying
“I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts.”
Calm, clear, and said while gently stopping the action.
“You're really angry. It's okay to be angry — it's not okay to hurt.”
Names the feeling, holds the limit.
“Let's find another way to show how big that feeling is.”
Offers a safe alternative — stamp, squeeze, tell me.
Try to avoid
- •Hitting back or shouting — it teaches that big people hit.
- •Long lectures in the heat of the moment — the thinking brain is offline.
- •Shaming (“bad boy/girl”) — it wounds without teaching.
Why this helps
Young children hit because their feelings outrun their words and self-control. Staying calm, stopping the behaviour, and naming the feeling teaches them that emotions are okay while actions have limits — without adding fear or shame.
Go deeper: read the full article →
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